change and the weather
There is a lot of change around at the moment.Earthquakes and tsunami. Governments and their people. And there feels like there is more than my fair share of personal change taking place much too close to home.
Near or far, there are days when it can be a bit overwhelming.
Yesterday I spent a fantastic day with my daughter’s year 7 class leading them through George Leonard’s Samurai Game. Forty-two amazing kids who discovered along the way that leading is difficult – and it doesn’t matter if you sought it out from the beginning or if circumstances unexpectedly thrust leadership upon you. That just living can bring its own challenges – life can be short and you rarely get a second chance so you might want to bring the best of who you are to every moment.
It is the third time the school has invited me to deliver the Samurai Game for the students and to be honest it is one of the personal and professional high points of my year. It is an honour and a privilege to serve them. The experience leaves me simultaneously exhilarated and exhausted.
And so it was yesterday afternoon that as the adrenalin wore off I found myself sitting with my back to the wind and the rain waiting for the school bell to ring so I could bring my daughter home. I had five or six minutes spare so I was catching up on email on my phone and thinking about the coming weeks. Busy weeks full of personal and professional commitments. There are more personal and professional commitments that also should be squeezed in there – but how? Things are already crazy.
The rain was cold on my back. My legs reminded me that I had just spent seven hours standing on them without a break. I was hungry. It started to rain harder …
It was right at that point that I heard it – a squeal of pure delight.
I turned to see a four-year old under a pink umbrella splashing through the rain. Her delight was in the world as it was at that moment.
Sure it was wet and cold – but that was what made it so exhilarating!
She reminded me of a similar day in Hitachi, Japan almost 20 years ago as I walked home in the rain. The University placement arranged by my Japanese Government scholarship wasn’t working out the way I had hoped, I was homesick and I was cold and wet.
The same words came to me then that popped into my head in Japan 20 years ago:
Some people walk in the rain. Other people just get wet.
For me it can often be a struggle to remember that. Things change. Things will continue to change. I think the most important question is not “How am I going to stop/slow/manipulate the changes?” but “How am I going to be with the change?” For me it is a much juicier question…
Yesterday I walked in the rain with forty-two kids for six hours and then in six minutes forgot who I am and got wet all by myself.
It took the eyes of a four-year old to remind me that life is in this moment.
All of it.
And it is how you choose to be in this moment that makes all the difference.
***
For a more visual representation of this post you could check out this cartoon by Hugh MacLeod of gapingvoid fame. Ultimately we are all living the life we choose.
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commitment
Sebastian Thrun has committed his life to saving the lives of a million people. Every year. One million people every year.
Now that is a goal!
That is something you can sink your teeth into and work towards.
He admits he is not there yet. All he and is colleagues have managed to do so far is create a driver-less car that can navigate its way from the center of San Fransisco to the middle of LA without human intervention. I guess that means he probably hasn’t saved his first life yet which leaves him a lot more to do this year…
Now you may not like what he has created. The potential benefit of triple the current density of cars on existing roads might not be something you want to see happen in the future, but you can’t help but be impressed by what he has achieved while working towards the goal he has committed his life to.
I am going to suggest that you do what I did. Take 4:15 out of your life and watch Sebastian’s TED talk.
Then watch some other TED talks, grab a cup of tea and stare out the window while you ponder what you have committed your life to and why.
Because even if you work your entire life and don’t reach your goal and save a million lives, along the way you might just change a single life for the better.
And in my book, that is something worth committing to.
There are many studies that show that the brain has difficulty in telling the difference between something we imagine or dream and something we actually experience. Movies like The Matrix and Total Recall are based on the premise that if you could connect directly into the human brain you can deliver information to it and the person concerned will not be able to distinguish between that and an actual physical experience.
What if I was to tell you that I hang out with some pretty interesting people and that these brain interface technologies are available TODAY and you could be hooked up to it and be fed every experience you ever wanted in real-time. I don’t have to tell you that accepting an offer like that could potentially change your life!
- Want to win the lotto – twice, invest it well and have the experience of living in luxury for the rest of your life? No problem.
"I Wish Your Wish", by Rivane Neuenschwander, GoMA, March 2011
- Want to be the developer of the next killer iPad app and be bigger than that guy who came up with Facebook? Sure.
- Wished to be independently wealthy so you don’t have to work and can travel the world searching out the best specialty, single origin, fair trade, environmentally friendly coffee for your incredibly successful but small and intimate cafe? Why not?
- Like a bit of a surprise and just want to be successful at one thing that you love doing and are happy to let us choose what that will be? Easy.
But this sort of technology isn’t limited to those sorts of hedonistic experiences …
- Want to receive the Nobel Peace Prize for your work in the slums of the world? We can organise that experience for you.
- Feel the thrill of climbing the five highest peaks in the world? Yep, we can arrange that.
- Make poverty history and see what it is like to deliver real equality to all the people of the world? OK!
- Just want to live to a ripe old age in good health and pass peacefully surrounded by your children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren? Just take a seat…
These sorts of life goals (and probably more modest ones) are what keeps most of the people in the world getting out of bed and heading off to work or the gym each day aren’t they? We all say, if only things would change and a bit of luck would come my way I would finally have the time to help the poor, train for that first climb, write that code or get the winning numbers. Well what if this is your lucky day… sign up now and change your experience of life forever.
So who wants in?
***
Now even if you have seen The Matrix and you have some concerns about being stored in a pod and being used as an energy source, I am guessing that after you have had a while to think things through that isn’t the reason you are not going to accept my offer.
So why not? Everything you are working for can be yours to experience and you will not know any different – as far as you will know it will be ‘real’.
Maybe you think it will be too easy and that will take the fun (or the challenge) out of it?
Nope, we can make the experience of achieving your goals as difficult as you want. You can experience being kidnapped or contracting malaria – we can program that in for no extra charge!
Too predictable. If I know the outcome for certain what would be the point?
Nope, you will never know what opportunity will be just around the corner but we can guarantee opportunities will present themselves to you (well to your mind anyway…).
So why not? It won’t hurt a bit (unless you want it to…)
***
What is it about ‘real life’ that, if we are given the choice, would I suspect cause the majority of us to choose the uncertainty, the pain, the highs and the lows of a life physically experienced over a guaranteed outcome experienced in our mind?
What does the process of answering that question have to teach us about what is really important to us in this life? Perhaps it is as someone posted in a Facebook comment I read that we are:
“comforted by the love in [our] heart, the mystery of life, the grace of friendship and the joy of unfolding unknowns, yet to begin…”
I don’t know.
***
This post was prompted by a lecture from Daniel Robinson called Four Theories of a Good Life, lecture 50 in the series 50 Great Ideas in Philosophy. If you enjoyed reading this or my other posts you can subscribe and receive them via email simply by putting your email address into the Email Subscription box just on the right of my blog home page. You will receive a confirmation email (which some systems will think is spam so keep an eye on your junk mail) that you need to acknowledge to complete the subscription process.
snakes and corporate ladders
‘Climbing the corporate ladder’ is phrase I think everyone is familiar with. It is what we are supposed to do. You start at the bottom and climb, one rung at a time, towards the top.
Then people start warning that you need to make sure the ladder you are climbing is leaning against the right wall. You don’t want to get to the top and find that you don’t want to be where it has taken you. A bit like the lands at the top of Enid Blyton’s Magical Faraway Tree – you start up the ladder expecting to find the Land of Birthdays at the top but when you get there you find Topsy-turvy Land instead.
During a recent trip to Malaysia this scene on my balcony prompted me to think about ladders and where they might lead to.
Being over water there was only one entrance to the room and there was some conversation about whether it might be used as a fire escape. The obvious problem being that it wasn’t long enough to reach down into the water nor was it long enough to climb up to the floor above.
Now it might be clear to you, but I will be honest and say that it wasn’t until toward the end of the first day when I saw it being used that I realised it is in fact a clothes line – a place to hang things out to dry!
So now I want to add ‘If you want to climb, make sure it is actually a ladder’ to the ladder related aphorisms that are out there.
Sometimes (all too often actually) I come across people who think they are climbing the corporate ladder to success and all that is really happening is that they are being hung out to dry.
***
Seth Godin’s recent blog Are you doing a good job? put the same concept in a different way. If you are being hung out to dry by the organisation you work for, Seth asks… ‘if that’s actually true, I wonder why someone with your potential would stay…’
Me too.
You might want to check out this free collection of stories from people who changed the way they see their potential prompted by Seth’s latest book Poke the Box.
Something in there might just get you seeing your potential a little differently.
***
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on the verge of a ‘nuclear’ meltdown
Let me start by saying I lived in Sendai for six months. I consider it to be my home town in Japan. The events of the last few days leave me struggling for words.
I lived further south in a town called Hitachi for a year. From our balcony we could see the lights on the Tokai nuclear reactor south of us. Our electricity bill contained a rebate of a couple of dollars each quarter. Compensation for the risk associated with living as close as we did to the reactor. We said at the time that would be cold comfort if something did go wrong.
The people of Japan continue to endure circumstances beyond my imagining and they appear to be doing so with courage, rectitude and dignity – characteristics that hark back to Samurai times and beyond. My thoughts and prayers are with them all.
That said, if I read (or hear) one more completely misinformed idiot warning of the destruction of Japan because of a nuclear meltdown I will have a meltdown of nuclear proportions of my own.
There are too many examples of disgraceful ‘journalism’ to pick from so here is just one that I saw this morning. Sadly it came from the ABC who I know have done a better job than most others in reporting events from Japan.
Click on the image to enlarge.
Spent fuel pools are generally kept at 25 degrees Celsius. OK. The rods generate heat so the pools need to be cooled. OK.
If the temperature of the water reached boiling point the water boils away. OK water boils at 100 degrees so I am not going to argue.
No water = exposed rods. No problem there. On Monday and Tuesday the temperature in No.4 pool was 84 degrees but there is no data for Wednesday. Fine.
Apparently from that we are able to conclude the water boiled away and the rods are exposed. Releases of radioactive material will follow after a short time.
When does water boil at 84 degrees? In a vacuum is the only answer (but these are open pools). 84 degrees, while it is more than three times the normal temperature (Oh my God!!!) is really only a threat to dairy products like butter and ice-cream. The same website notes during a real ‘meltdown’ temperatures in excess of 2000 degrees Celsius are required before the fuel rods melt and over 3000 degrees before the uranium inside melts.
So the question is: how can the media possibly, ethically, get from a reported 84 degrees Celsius on two days and no available data on a third day to a consistent reporting of imminent meltdown on a scale second only to that of Chernobyl. It is more than irresponsible.
The incident at Chernobyl occurred while the reactor was operating flat-out at many times its design capacity. The reactors in Japan were shut down within seconds of the earthquake occurring. Days later it is the residual heat and radioactivity in the spent fuel that is causing the issues.
These are not ‘out of control’ reactors.
Other people who use media to spread fear and incite panic in populations are called terrorists… Just saying.
***
Make sure you read the comments on this post by Goviini who identifies a couple of errors and provides a more extensive background on the events at Chernobyl.
Since writing this post I was pointed towards this site Morgsatlarg who had a great early post and who linked on to a site those in the media should have known about. It is the site hosted and maintained by the MIT Department of Nuclear Science and Engineering and if you want to be better informed about events in Japan I suggest you visit.
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if I want to hold your hand, whose hand will you hold?
The crystalisation of this post occurred in an unexpectedly intimate moment in the middle of an “Oriental Healing Massage” I received during a recent visit to Malaysia. A woman I had never met (and will likely never meet again) held my hand in hers…
***
“I want to hold your hand.”
“Can you come over and give me a hand?”
“I would like your daughter’s hand in marriage.”
“The Government is giving a hand out when it should be giving a hand up.”
“She feels warm to my touch.”
“It was underhanded of him to do that!”
“Did you feel his handshake? Ugggh…”
“I don’t know, I thought she was pretty even-handed about the whole thing.”
***
Just think about all the ways we talk about and refer to our hands and you start to realise how important they are to us and our sense of being.
They are the first thing we use to voluntarily interact with the world around us. Parents, close your eyes and remember the first time your child wrapped their hand around your finger. The first time their finger pointed at you and said “da..” or “ma..” Feel that? It is visceral.
Our hands help us to define what we are not. And by a process of elimination help define what we believe ourselves to be. We use them to find our place in the world.
That is all there in the touch of our hands.
***
My 12-year-old daughter still wants to hold my hand when we go walking. I don’t know what she is feeling, but I do know that there are no words to describe how I feel as her father. The emotion is made all the more so because I fear (and I am told) there will come a day when she will not want to hold my hand … because I am her father (mothers receive equal treatment in this regard). I do not want that to happen.
Contained in her touch are all the moments I have held her hand before. The day she was born. As she learned to walk. When she was terrified of getting x-rays when she broke her arm. When she got super-glue stitches in her eyelid when she split her head open on the bus. When she holds my hand and balances on the logs at the park.
That is all there in the touch of her hand.
***
I too have held my father’s hand. When I first walked … but also as he lay in a bed in the hospital emergency room last month. At the time he did not know who he was or where he was. But I knew in that moment as I held his hand, what he was not and came to know a little more about who I am.
Contained in his touch are all the moments I know I will hold his hand again. And I know that, if I am lucky, there will be a day when I get to hold his hand in the moments between when he is and when he is not.
That is all there in the touch of his hand.
***
And as a result of all that, I want to hold your hand. I want to feel that which I am not and thereby come to a better understanding of who I am, who we are and what we can be together in the midst of all that there is.
Because it is all there.
In the touch of our hands.
***
Isma is the name of the masseuse who set this train in motion. She touched me in a way I am sure neither of us expected. Thank you Isma.
Kelly Diels is a woman I have never met whose words touch me and who gave me the courage to write this post from my heart. You should read her blog.
***
This post is dedicated to the memory of Andrew Bancroft who continues to touch our lives and the lives of those who were privileged to know him.
expectations
Did you notice that this post didn’t appear on a Tuesday morning? Did you expect it to?
10 things I learnt by getting into other people’s fights
I recall it was Mr Miyagi in the original Karate Kid movie (the one before Jackie Chan) who said “The best way to avoid a punch is to no be there!”
Not being one to live my life according to philosophies espoused by movies (Dead Poets Society being the obvious and reasonable exception) there was a time when I made a habit of spending some time getting into the middle of other people’s fights.
You could find me in between husbands and wives, ex-husbands and ex-wives, brothers and sisters, neighbours fighting over fences or leaves or noise. A builder and their client. Hospital administrators and their staff. Friends (well ex-friends really). Two software companies. Even an old lady and a Government Department.
I learned a lot by getting involved in other people’s fights. When it is not your fight and you don’t know the people who are doing the fighting you have a different perspective on things. There was rarely a day that I didn’t come home grateful for the opportunity to learn from their mistakes.
So here is my list:
1. Always put it in writing/ keep records – this was also advice given to me by a senior engineer when I was on my first work placement. Keep notes in a diary of everything you say and do and those notes might just save you. Send letters or email to confirm your understanding – you may have gotten it wrong so give the other party a chance to correct you.
2. Always get legal advice – especially if the other party says you can’t or you don’t need to. If you don’t like your legal advice then get a second opinion. Just remember getting everything you have a right to receive might not result in getting what you deserve or what you need.
3. Never say “I understand just how you feel” – you don’t. (See my previous post on this)
4. Ask clarifying questions – always. If that is not clear enough for you, let me know.
5. Always have an agenda but don’t come with one. From my point of view the agenda you need is the one that sets out the process for resolving the conflict. It is the first thing you agree on. Your rules of engagement. Without an agenda you may as well just hang a sign that says “Abandon all hope ye who enter!:
6. Communication is about listening not telling. Easy to say. Hard to do.
7. Once it becomes “a matter of principle” it is too late. Give your car, your house and anything else you value to the person you most hate in the world. Chances are you will end up doing it in the end so save yourself the time and energy and give it all away.
8. Always remember that it might cost more than you want to make it go away but getting your life back might be worth it.
9. Never put too much store in a person’s opening position. You need to take the time to find their interests. My opening position was 10 things but I only have 9. If you focus on having me deliver my opening position (which I will not do) you will miss the opportunities that discovering my interests provides.
***
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Guest Blog: the Art of Dad-Fu
Recently I became a dad. There are lots of things that come with being a dad both wonderful and challenging. One thing that I didn’t expect was to put on weight. During pregnancy when the mum-to-be is being flooded by hormones, progesterone which is associated with ‘nesting’ tendencies is one of these hormones. Progesterone production also increases in men and this shift tends to bring with it a weight gain. Once the baby is born it’s also common for a new dad to gain between half a stone and one stone just because you end up eating more and being less active. So while I didn’t expect this change, it looks like I’m not alone.
Pre-baby I would have got back to training martial arts with my teacher, upped my solo training and not worried about it. That’s what I planned, but finding an extra 15 or more hours each week doesn’t seem very realistic in the post-baby world. That doesn’t mean I won’t do martial arts, but I will have to find my way back to it more slowly than I thought. What do I do about getting more exercise right now? It doesn’t work to take time out from work, or from supporting my wife and seeing my son – it’s a bit of a dilemma. Well, it was… Until I invented Dad-Fu!
I love creating practices – taking regular activities and making them conscious processes to engage in. I have a book on this subject: ‘A little book on finding your Way – Zen and the Art of Doing stuff’ and I’m working on another about fatherhood called The Art of Dad-Fu! Dad-Fu is a practice that involves taking my son, Samson, out for a walk for an hour every day in the sling. Doesn’t sound like such a big deal? Let me explain…
It meets my need for getting some good basic exercise, Samson is happy wrapped up in his furry super-suit, and my wife gets an hour to herself to do with as she pleases! It meets everyone’s needs and I get some more bonding time with Samson. If he’s awake I talk or sing to him (I don’t look any more crazy than your average blue-tooth headset user!) and if he’s asleep then at least he’s still in my energy field.
This has taught me a valuable lesson about developing practices: as wonderful as some practices may be, sometimes what’s most important is that the practice fits your life not the other way around. If your practice is not supportive of you taking this one precious life and making the best of it then what’s the point? That’s not to dismiss taking special time out to meditate or do Karate or whatever floats your boat, that can be vital to living a fulfilled life too. For me right now my highest priority is being the best dad I can, so I practice Dad-Fu.
Maybe you’re asking “Why Dad-Fu?” Well partly because I think it sounds cooler than “The art of going for a walk in the cold with my son” but also I think there is a parallel between Kung-Fu and being a dad. Kung-Fu can be translated from Chinese as ‘time and hard work.’ Whether you are practicing a martial art or being a father, it is going to be hard work sometimes. It also takes time to practice anything and while that means that the hard work is never finished, it also allows time and space to make mistakes, learn from them, and to heal from the disappointments. Taking up any form of committed practice is both a burden and a gift – especially parenting. This dichotomy is part of the beautiful mystery of life.
As with any new practice, Dad-Fu has had some unexpected delights. I get an hour to ponder things as I walk which can feel like quite a treat! I have also discovered hidden architectural delights. It feels magical to be mostly on my own, Samson asleep on my chest and find a place, view, or moment which is thought-provoking or inspiring.
What about your own practices? What do you want to create in your life and do these practices help you do that? There is an old saying: “Necessity is the mother of Invention.” I have certainly found that to be true in inventing Dad-Fu. Perhaps you have necessities which are calling for your creativity…?
Whatever you practice, I hope it brings you joy in the easy times, strength in the tough times and growth all the time.
***
This is a guest blog by Francis Briers. A Little Book on Finding Your Way: Zen and the Art of Doing Stuff is self published by Francis under the Warriors of Love Publishing imprint and is available via his website: www.fudoshin.org.uk (although it should be on Amazon soon so if you are reading this post after March 2011 check out my Books I Recommend Page for a link to where you can buy it through Amazon.com)
If you would like to be a guest blogger here on finding my own Way send me a note via the Contact Me page and we will see what we can sort out.
If you enjoyed reading this or my other posts you can subscribe and receive them via email simply by putting your email address into the Email Subscription box just on the right of my blog home page. You will receive a confirmation email (which some systems will think is spam so keep an eye on your junk mail) that you need to acknowledge to complete the subscription process.
loosing my balance
I read somewhere that when O’Sensei (the founder of Aikido) was asked how he was able to maintain his balance in any situation he replied that he did not. The key he said was not in maintaining your balance but in quickly regaining your balance after you have been disturbed.
Within the space of three hours on Friday three people told me that they thought I had balance in my life. By inference I imagine they felt they had not found the right balance in theirs. Two months ago I might have agreed with them, but these last few weeks have really thrown me off centre.
Floods and then just this week the cyclone have contributed. While we were not directly affected it is clear as you drive around Brisbane that it will be a while before things settle down again. In the meantime you know that things just don’t feel quite right.
I find the new year always holds a level of uncertainty work-wise. People are coming back to work after the holidays; new hires are joining established teams and everyone is trying to figure out where they stand.
Then there are the termites. I thought we had a deal – they wouldn’t try to destroy my home and I wouldn’t try to destroy theirs. When they start to eat away at your foundations all deals are off!
Add to that a morning spent in the Emergency Room at the hospital with my father, a couple of important professional engagements over the coming weeks and I felt so far out of whack that suggestions that I was anything else seemed incredible.
Then Friday afternoon we got a call. A friend has died. We knew he had been fighting cancer but not that he had been in hospital this last month. We saw him last in early December – when we were all out to dinner. He looked, well … normal. Then school holidays, Christmas and the floods took our focus and now he is gone.
In chemistry, equilibrium between two compounds occurs when there is as much of one being created as there is of it being destroyed. It is a state in which a process and its reverse are occurring at the same rate so that no overall change is taking place. To somebody watching it gives the appearance of ‘balance’.
When we talk about finding balance in our lives I think we often forget this.
Balance is not a static state. Balance is dynamic.
People we care about can be taken from us while we are looking the other way. The possessions, positions and relationships that help define us can disappear under water or over a weekend. The only constant is change.
We are continually being disturbed, unsettled and thrown off centre.
If we do ever achieve balance I think it is only for an instant. Something we pass through on the way to the other side – whether we are heading towards a period of creation or one of destruction.
O’Sensei was right – the key is regaining not maintaining. There are some days though when that is cold comfort …
finding my own Way 