follow your dreams – even if involves a cheesy tie
For his age, he is on the small side.
If you saw him sitting on the bench in the office kitchen like I did, you probably wouldn’t think much of him. His crooked grin might just make you look at him long enough to wonder why a fifteen year old is wearing a tie. The yellow earth moving machines that make up the pattern on that tie seem like an unusual choice – until you get to know a little of his story. His journey to this day hasn’t been a smooth one. It is true to say however that without the care and persistence of one man, Dr Andrew King (his father in everything except the biological sense), he would not be here today.
When you ask Andrew to tell the story of the last fifteen years a change comes over him. While he will rub the back of his neck and tell you that there were many time he thought they would never see this day, he is clearly pleased and proud of what they have achieved together.
To get this far is a dream come true and they are not stopping there. A trip to Europe is on the cards for the next few months that will include a visit to Bologna. If someone had suggested a year or two back that it might be possible to take him overseas, I know Andrew would have smiled and said “Look, that would be nice but we are just taking it one day at a time. We have a few things to sort out so we’ll see …”.
He was right.
They were supposed to make the trip last year but it took them longer than expected to get the paperwork right.
He got it done.
Now the fifteen year old in the engineers boots and yellow tie is off to the children’s book fair in Bologna. The dreams don’t stop there though. There will be other trips overseas. Andrew plans to talk to a number of schools to see if they can find a place for him.
A long way to come for a bear that was conceived in a sand pit.
Nobody can remember the exact date he came into this world. Andrew’s eldest son was three at the time and, being an Engineer, Andrew started to tell his son stories about a bear who loved creating things.
Although that’s not telling the whole story.
The stories Andrew started to tell his son were about the process of creating things. Of trying and failing. Of trying again and failing again. Again and again and again – ten times over. Of learning from each one of those failures and adapting your design. Of creating something that can solve our problems and make the world a better place. Of not giving up just because the first nine attempts failed to deliver what you had dreamed it would.
Early sketches of Engibear
That first story was the beginning of Engibear* but it contains within it the whole story of Engibear. In the fifteen years since that first day in the sand pit the stories have grown and changed. The early sketches of Engibear are rough but they contain the essence of the bear he has become. The bearbots (you will have to buy the book to find out how they fit into the story) have developed and grown along with their creator through a process of trial and error.
There have been false starts, promising relationship, disappointments and thrilling developments.
Through it all Andrew persisted, treating everything as a chance to learn and to improve but all the while staying true to his dream: To bring a character in the world who will share with kids his passion for the process of creating sustainable engineering solutions for the challenges we face.
It is a big dream and one day last week in an office kitchen in Brisbane I saw Engibear standing on his own two feet. Handmade, complete with the crooked grin, and only four inches high.
If you had seen him you probably wouldn’t have thought much of him. For those who know his story he is a source of inspiration and a wonderful example of how dreams can come true as long as you stay true to them.
There is even talk of him bringing out his own range of ties….
***
* ‘Engibear’ and ‘bearbots’ are the registered trademarks of Andrew King. Images used with permission. If you would like to be one of the first to receive a copy of the first book in the Engibear series then shoot me an email using the Contact Me page and I will put you in contact with Andrew.
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how can you live if you are not connected?
I heard the evening news tonight mention the rescue of two boys from a swollen creek. I wonder aloud if they were wearing shoes when they were rescued.
I had ridden home in the middle of the storms that would create that news item. It had all started well but by the time I decided to stop I wasn’t concerned about getting any wetter, it was more because I can’t see more than a couple of metres in front of me.
So I stop and take shelter as the sound of the falling water engulfs me. On my right the smell of mangroves and mud rises from the falling water. On my left a spontaneous piece of performance art (or perhaps performance poetry?) arises as cyclists braver than I come in out of the rain. The involuntary gasp that arises from their bodies as they ride through the column of water falling from the deck of the freeway above us can be seen so clearly that despite the rain you can hear it in the space behind your eyes.
I did what I am sure you would do next. I check to see that my mobile device was safe and dry and sent a text saying I was wet but OK. (I resist the urge to check Facebook because I know my battery is low. Where ever I am these days I always make sure I am connected. My diary, email, podcasts, books. I occasionally even check to see how many of you are reading my posts! I often wonder how you can live if you are not connected. But I digress…)
Standing there not looking at Facebook reminds me of the Michael Leunig cartoon that someone recently posted. (I hope he does not mind me sharing it here with you). It was nice but I recall it says nothing about thunderstorms – only the sun and clouds.
Later, after I have ridden again (in what turned out not to be a break in the rain) a dry old man standing by the river, clearly wiser than I as he has not left the shelter of the next bridge , laughs out loud as the same gasp arises from me. After riding in the rain it is drawn from me not because the falling water is cold, but because despite its huge volume the water has stolen the heat of the day from the road above and runs warm down my back and into my already sodden shoes.
After sharing in his laughter as we watch others come in from the rain as I had done, I chance my judgement and ride again. This time up from the river and beside the freeway. The steep climb leaves me smiling broadly. Do all those people sitting dry in their cars just metres away know what they are missing? Have they looked up to see the rainbow racing across the sky?
Further along the quiet gurgle of the creek that crawls along the storm water drain has become a swollen monster that consumes footbridges and footpaths alike. I stop and take a photo alongside the children who have crossed the road with their mothers to see the rising waters. Forced on to the road now I am alongside those sitting dry in their cars – heading upstream but following the flow of the traffic. Windows tightly shut I do not need my ears to know every radio is discharging regular road reports to help drivers avoid the inconvenience created by the gathering waters.
Not me. I turn off the road back towards the higher sections of the path and am finally able to cross the creek. On the other side of the bridge I see two pairs of shoes by the side of the road. It is the pair of purple football boots with Bronco’s socks that I can see most clearly. They look to have been discarded, but not lost. Left there in a hurry by boys (almost young men I imagine) headed towards the creek to connect with its rising power. It is a stupid and dangerous thing to do and I hope they will return soon for their shoes.
Beside me now the long grass and reeds still lie flat under the weight of the falling water while branches, previously held high above the path, hang low and threaten to unsaddle me. The dry gullies have become small streams that discharge debris over the well-known path that I feel like I am now riding for the first time. The light of the rainbow has been replaced by that particular shade of “after-the-storm green” that seems to exist only to amplify the sound of the water that creates it.
The water collected in my helmet chooses that moment to draw as it falls a path to the tip of my nose and is driven by the wind into my mouth. I gasp and spray the water back into the air.
In that instant, for the first time in a very long time, I feel recharged. I feel that I am connected.
I wonder how can you live if you are not?
***
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it should scare you what I can do
A small but significant milestone was reached this past week.
You might not think that it even warrants a mention but for me it was an important day – a day on which I did something that I have not been able to do for a very long time. In fact, I can not honestly remember (or even dream of) a time when I could.
That came as a bit of a shock. A double shock really. That I did it and that I can not remember a time when I could.
Which means that (as far as my mind is concerned) I believe I am, and have always been, a person who can not do that.
Except, I am not that any more. I have, and so I can.
Apparently.
And because of that, and because I did, I think it scared me. So much so that I haven’t tried to do it again since.
I think … I have been watching for signs to tell me that doing it has left me somehow newly (re-)incapacitated, caused some damage that means I will not (or should not) be able to do it again.
I think … that I am thinking that way because if I can find enough reasons I will be able to return to being what (as far as my mind is concerned) I have always been – a person who still can not do that. That is a place I know well. A place where I feel safe and protected by my limitations.
What makes it weirder is that I never intended for it to happen. If you looked at the list of things that I wanted to do, the things I wanted to achieve over the coming years you wouldn’t see it there. I suppose I had just assumed that I would always be a person who can not do that and that I would find ways to work around my limitations.
But I am not that person any more. I can and I have. And I made the change without even really trying.
(But even as I write I am aware of the messages coming from my mind… “Feel that ache? That is real! You can not argue with that. If you keep thinking you can do it again you will feel more of that…Believe me, you shouldn’t even try unless you really want to hurt yourself!“)
There is something deeply disturbing about it all and I think it is because it raises obvious questions – what else is there?
- What else is there that I believe I can not do (that is a long, long list) that I use to incorrectly define what I am and what I am not?
- What else is there that I do not even try to do because I believe that I never have means that I never will?
- What else is there that I haven’t even dreamed I am able to do that I am capable of achieving?
What else is there?
A small but significant milestone was reached this past week. I bent down and touched my toes and it has shaken my belief in who I am and what I am capable of. That might not scare you but it sure scares me.
***
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“The quality of your life is determined by the quality of the questions you ask.“
Dr John Demartini
Would you like me to show you how you can double the quality of your life? It isn’t that hard to do when you know the secret. So … here it is.
Most people only ask half the questions they need to.
Yep. That’s it.
That means that when trying to make a decision most people don’t have all the information they need. The result is poor quality decisions.
Take a quick example…
If you are considering a change in career path and you have an offer on the table from a prospective new employer the most common approach is to draw up a list of positives and negatives. The questions that sit behind that thinking often look like this:
- What would happen if I take the new job and leave my current role?
- What would happen if I don’t take the new job and stay in my current role?
That is a great way to start but it only gets you half the way there. You need to ask two more questions that at first look to be essentially the same questions but is not until you sit with them a while that you find that they are very different beasts indeed. Those questions are:
- What wouldn’t happen if I take the new job and leave my current role?
- What wouldn’t happen if I don’t take the new job and stay in my current role?
When you put it all together the questions look like this:
To apply the grid, first ask yourself “What is important to me?” Is it family, money, the opportunity to contribute, the opportunity for career advancement, flexibility, learning new skills? That will help you identify the things that you value.
Then sit down with the grid and write something in each of the four quadrants for each of the areas that are important to you:
- What wouldn’t happen in my career if I don’t take the new job and stay in my current role?
- What wouldn’t happen in my family life if I did take the new job and leave my current role?
- What would happen in my financial circumstances if I take the new job and leave my current role?
- What would happen around learning new skills if I don’t take the new job and stay in my current role?
There will be one combination that you will find will be the hardest question to answer for each of the things that you value. It may be a different question from value to value but stay with it.
Write what you can and leave it for a day or two. Then come back and try to add some more.
When you feel like you are done sit down and look over the entire list.
It will contain all the things that you might gain or lose (there might not be too many surprises there) and it will contain future opportunities to start something that will be lost and opportunities to stop something that will be gained.
All the things that wouldn’t happen if you didn’t.
Twice the questions, twice the quality.
***
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expect a miracle (it is more than a simple card trick)
When you see him do it you are tempted to believe that Dr John is the reason that the magic happens. You think that it’s not so much what he’s doing with the cards that creates the magic, but that it’s because of who he is and the way he does it. And you would be right.
But you would also be wrong.
It is because of Dr John that so much of it happens – but you don’t have to be him to do it. He doesn’t ask that you give it a go or tell you that you should try it. In fact most of his power comes from the fact that he expects nothing from you at all.
It is what he expects for you that holds the key.
He will tell you (if you ask) that he has done it over 50,000 times – but don’t start thinking that it is difficult to do and that you have to practice it over and over and over to get the same result he does. You don’t. It is so easy to learn that there isn’t really anything much to teach. Just watch Dr John do it a couple of times and before you know it you will be able to do it yourself.
I know that to be true because I did it and got the same response when I wasn’t even expecting a result (and that dear reader might just be the key to it all!).
We were fixing up the bill at the end of a recent catch-up at a local Italian cafe. The waiter serving behind the counter handed Dr John back his validated parking ticket and apologised for the delay as they changed the paper in the EFTPOS terminal. Dr John thanked him and reached into his wallet. Leaning over the counter he said “Here, this is for you.” and he gave the waiter this card:
The waiter looked at the front. Then he turned it over (as everyone who receives one does) to find (as everyone who receives one does) that there is nothing on the back. No name. No phone number. No website. Nothing.
Then (as everyone who receives one does) he looked at Dr John with a sort of confused smile. Every part of Dr John smiled back as he said “It’s for you. Expect a miracle and I know that you will find one.“
Magic.
Twenty minutes later I am back in my office and a colleague notices the copy of Dr John’s book on my desk with one of his magic cards sticking out in anticipation of being used as a book mark. I explain to her that he is a friend and we have just caught up over lunch. I say “Here, let me give you one of his cards…“
She looks at the front. Then she turns it over (as everyone who receives one does) to find (as everyone who receives one does) that there is nothing on the back. No name. No phone number. No website. Nothing.
Then (as everyone who receives one does) she looks at me with a sort of confused smile and says “This isn’t a business card?”.
“No” I say, “It’s for you. Expect a miracle.“
And then it happened.
Like the waiter, there was a visible change in her that went beyond just the physical. It seemed like her whole being let out a huge sigh of relief and relaxed just for a moment. The waiter had responded in much the same way before he caught his breath and reached over the counter to shake Dr John’s hand and thank him for his gift. My colleague thanked me and smiled. She told me that she was facing a number of important decisions at the moment and that a miracle is just what she needs.
Now maybe she will get the miracle she is looking for and maybe she won’t. As Dr John will tell you, what is important is not having an expectation that a particular miracle will occur, but rather holding a sense of positive expectancy that miracles can be found just about anywhere you look.
And he is right.
The miraculous can be found in the most normal of situations if only you have eyes to see it.
And that is what I want to leave with you this holiday season. The expectancy of something miraculous happening in your life. (If you think you might need to be reminded you can visit Dr John’s website ExpectaMiracle.com and download a file that will allow you to create your own Expect a Miracle cards to keep nearby.)
Expect a miracle and I know that you will find one.
***
Dr John Hinwood is an international speaker, facilitator, mentor and chiropractic consultant based in Brisbane. John is a well-known author of numerous books on practice management and his latest book is an international best seller, You Can Expect a Miracle … The Book to Change Your Life. He has had papers published in academic journals and was once Captain/Coach of the Danish National Rugby Team! You can find details on when Dr John will be bringing his Expect a Miracle School to a venue near you by visiting his website.
If you enjoyed reading this or my other posts you can subscribe and receive them via email simply by putting your email address into the Email Subscription box just on the right of my blog home page. You will receive a confirmation email (which some systems will think is spam so keep an eye on your junk mail) that you need to acknowledge to complete the subscription process.
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Welcome to the organisation … Now how can I help you to leave us?
Do you find your current role satisfying? Are you committed to staying with your current employer? If you answered yes to both questions then you are officially in a minority…
Are you a manager who knows that your staff are the most important part of your business – even more important than the clients? Do you invest heavily in their training and development? If you answered yes to both questions then it seems you are also in a minority…
I have been talking with a lot of people whose business it is to help organisations get the most out of their people. Speakers, trainers and facilitators who have all been telling me that despite all the positive talk organisations are just not investing in their most important resource at the moment. The most common reason seems to be they don’t have the time – people are too stressed, too busy trying to do their day job to spend a day in training. Even if that training is about being more resilient and more effective in the workplace!
A survey taken in September this year* has found that a majority of people don’t like their jobs and are either seriously considering leaving their organisation or will not commit to staying. Nearly half of senior managers are seriously considering leaving their organisation – not changing roles but leaving. The numbers at the bottom are no better – half of the employees aged between 25 and 34 are also seriously considering leaving.
On top of all of this one fifth of all workers are apathetic and would not commit to staying or leaving.
That means the next time you are in a meeting chances are two-thirds of the people in that room either are looking for opportunities elsewhere or are just at the meeting to pass the time because showing up takes less effort than looking for something else.
Any way you slice it that cannot be good for an organisation.
Which begs the question …Why?
Lack of training opportunities and career development support were two of the key factors. Being able to see how their work contributes to achieving the organisation’s overall goals is also important. This is particularly so for 25-34 yr olds who place a higher importance on satisfaction with the type of work they do than any other group and at the same time they are the least satisfied with the type of work they do and are the most likely to leave. (This is the same group who are the most likely to promote their organisation as a good place to work and are most willing to go beyond the requirements of their job to help their organisation succeed!)
That lines up pretty well with what I am hearing…
“You know, when I signed up I thought it would be a great place to work but now I find myself feeling increasingly uncomfortable with the way things are done around here.”
“I am happy enough doing what I do now but I don’t want to be doing it in five years time. I don’t want to become “management” and I just can’t see any other opportunities inside the company.“
Or something seemingly a little more problematic…
“I don’t want to do this anymore, I feel like it is time for a change. What I would love is a way to pay the bills while I study for my new career.”
The days of a person working their whole life for a single organisation are gone so I think the best thing you can do to get the most from your employees is to start from (before) day one and do everything you can to help them to leave.
- Be honest about your organisation’s values and goals. Let potential new hires talk one-on-one with the people they will be working with so they can ask how things are really done (and if you wouldn’t want every one of your current team doing that then you really have a some work to do!). If they don’t like the way you do things, chances are you are not going to like the way they want to do things.
- Be honest about opportunities to grow. There are only so many positions for higher paid help and if the people in those roles haven’t changed in the last few years then don’t bother talking about career paths. The flip side is you need to create a space where it is safe for people to tell you that is not what they want and for you to be comfortable with that.
- Be creative in finding ways to help people to leave your organisation in a few years time if that is what they want. Let them take their long service leave as a year of four-day weeks so that they can do volunteer work or study for a new career. I remember hearing of a local council in Canada who had a program that allowed you to put aside 20% of your pay so that every five years you could take a full year off on ‘full’ pay to do whatever you want. Where do I sign? (and why would I ever want to leave?). The value that their people bring back to the organisation in terms of different perspectives and new ideas must be supercharged by the energy they have gained by having a year to do what ever they want.
- Be supportive about a move to a competitor to take on a position with new responsibilities. Chances are that same person will be looking for a new role in a few years and your organisation might benefit from the experience that they gain.
The pay-off might just be employees who are more engaged and committed to your organisation. You would be able to plan more efficiently for the times when people will leave and if you follow the Canadian example you will have opportunities opening up each year for people to try new roles for twelve months.
To me that means that your employees will be happier and that equals happier clients and a happier bottom line.
I don’t think it matters what your organisation makes, what service your people provide or what resource it is that you extract from the earth and sell – if you don’t start doing something differently with your most important resource you are going to find yourself in trouble. And I don’t mean that you are going to be sitting in a meeting room where two-thirds of the people in the room are thinking about being somewhere else – you are going to show up for that meeting one day and end up sitting there wondering where the other two-thirds of your team have gone.
* Mercer – What’s Working TM survey – September 2011 and the Australian survey summary “Inside Employees’ Minds”
***
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seeing what I want to be when I grow up
The future is not a result of choices among alternative paths offered by the present, but a place that is created–created first in the mind and will, created next in activity. The future is not some place we are going to, but one we are creating. The paths are not to be found, but made, and the activity of making them, changes both the maker and the destination. - John Schaar
Do you remember the day you graduated from Primary School? The sadness of leaving what were then effectively life long friends? The uncertainty around what High School would hold? A sense that a big step was being taken into the wider world towards being a grown-up?
Or maybe that is just how I want to remember it.
My daughter graduated from primary school this week so my memories of that event are much clearer! The ceremony that the school put together with the kids was wonderful and moved many to tears – parents, grandparents and kids alike. There was a lot of remembering of the events of the past eight years. Happy times, sad times, challenging times. Rewarding times.
There were also some words spoken about what lies before the graduating class. In the short-term it is High School. Beyond that, well who can say …
The promise of a future full of opportunity was held out to every child. The gratitude that that should be the case was shared by every parent.
After the formal part of the evening there was a small celebration in the school hall. Every student had prepared an A3 poster to represent how they see the journey they have taken up to this point in their lives (I wonder what mine would look like if I was asked to do one today? I wonder what yours would look like?)
Everything about those posters told you something about the person who put it together. The pictures were worth far more than a mere thousand words. Some were neat and clean and carefully laid out. Others had a more chaotic feel. Stars and sparkle. Colour and collage. Short words and long paragraphs. Each one unique. Each one an expression of how they see their lives.
The one thing they had in common though was the open questions about their future. What would next year bring? A new school and new friends for sure. Beyond that, well who can say…
There was a cake, the unveiling of a plaque and some closing words and then a surprise – a couple of the parents had put together a simple presentation. One slide for each child in which they had photoshopped their face into an image that represented what the kids had said they wanted to be when they grow up.
It was a powerful experience for the parents. Seeing their child as a police officer, event planner, geologist, nurse, zoologist, artist or environmental engineer. Seeing a small piece of a possible future right now.
A possible future. Not impossible. And now seemingly a lot closer than it had been only moments before.
I have talked a little in this blog about how the images we form in our mind can influence what happens in the world. About the power of getting a clear picture of what we want and focusing on taking steps to create it. I have never seen that concept put into action so simply and so well.
What a powerful image to leave the graduating class with. To show them the future they dream of as if it has already manifest, created now in mind and will, and all they have to do is put one foot in front of another to take themselves there. What a wonderful gift.
So what do you want to be when you grow up?
It is a bit early for a new year resolution post but maybe it is not too late to create an image of who you want to be and share it with your friends and family. Maybe you will hear what many children were blessed to hear that night – I can just see you doing that in a couple of years! - and you will have taken your next big step into the wider world towards who you want to be. Even if, like me, you aren’t in a particular hurry to grow up!
***
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if only …
Not a lot of words from me this week.
Funny how we get accustomed to doing something in a particular way. When I started this blog I had real trouble keeping my word count down. For the last week I have struggled with writing in a different, longer format that meant I had to write ten times as many words. If only it was as easy as writing ten blog posts and sticking them all together. The result wasn’t pretty – not what I was planning but fingers crossed it will do the job.
In the middle of that struggle I came across this TED video of Sarah Kay (Courtesy of Seth Godin and the friendly folk at the Domino Project). It reminded me of the power of words, the power of story and the importance of following your heart. Everything else will follow.
If only I could write with the lilting grace and measured cadence that Sarah Kay speaks. I don’t have a hoodie – but yeah, I really felt that.
I hope you do to (make sure you hear both poems – one at the beginning and one at the end).
the best way to avoid a punch …
Ever had one of those days at work when anything that could go wrong did go wrong? 
I know someone who has had one of those weeks and they are the first to admit they didn’t handle it well.
Their team had gotten so close. They were almost across the line when the wheels started to fall off. First one and then another piece of the project they had spent months putting together seemed to disappear.
Listening to them tell their story you would think they had done it all pretty well – working to understand other people’s concerns and issues and looking for win-win opportunities. In fact I think their team had found a solution to one particular problem that fell into the category of the being a whole lot greater than the sum of the parts. They were actively engaging and were sharing information. They knew that they were trying to negotiate organisational change – a new approach – so they weren’t expecting it to be easy.
But when it all started falling apart they started to act to protect what was left. As more fell away they fought harder to protect what remained – trying everything they could think of to gain some control over the situation. Nothing they did seemed to do any good.
That was where I think they made their mistake.
William Ury in his book Getting Past No says that in situations like that the first thing you should do is “go to the balcony”. Going to the balcony is a metaphor he uses to describe the emotional disconnect you should have instead of reacting to the conflict that arises in any negotiation. You can see Ury talk about it during a recent TED talk here:
In their book The Randori Principles, David Baum and Jim Hassinger have similar advice for when you start feeling like you are losing control. They call it “getting off the mat”. You walk away.
But that does not mean that you give up.
It means that you disengage while still remaining completely present. It means ending a conversation if the other person is disrespectful or not willing to collaborate. It means waiting until the other parties involved are ready. Sometimes it means that it is time to let go of what you have worked hard to create.
It seems counter-intuitive but if you continue to grab on to things to try to hold them in place you will become stuck and unable to move. Worse you give somebody else the power to use the thing you are holding on to to move you to places you might not want to go. If you let yourself become focused on the fist that is heading your way you narrow down your awareness and increase the chance that you are going to get hit.
A better course of action is to widen your focus and try to take in the big picture. Let go of any fixed positions and, if need be, purposefully decide to stay true to your values and step off the mat for a while. You can always step back on again.
It is the same advice that Mr Miyagi offered all those years ago in the original Karate Kid movie.
The best way to avoid a punch … is to no be there.
***
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it hurts when you ignore me
ostracism |ˈästrəˌsizəm|
noun
1 exclusion from a society or group: the family suffered social ostracism.
2 (in ancient Greece) temporary banishment from a city by popular vote.
I gave a presentation recently to the Australian Tax office titled “Serious Play” that explored what games might have to offer today’s workplace. In it I put forward the view that what is missing in much of what passes for ethics training today is the opportunity to explore new behaviours in a space where the cost of failure doesn’t prevent the exploration.
It is not as easy as that though. The cost of failure has to be high enough so that it drives us to exhibit behaviours that we can reflect on later. In the presentation I put it this way:
If you don’t have a stake in the game …
then you have nothing to lose and
nothing to gain and
no motivation to learn!
You see I have been spending a lot of time trying to get to the bottom of why the Samurai Game ® offers such an intense and powerful experience to participants. At the simplest level it could be described as a group of people getting together to pretend to be Samurai. Instead of fighting to the death with swords they engage in more simple (and safer) battles like rock-paper-scissors.
But of course there is more to it than that (you will have to take part to find out just how much more!).
We invite you to participate in accordance with a set of values – honesty, integrity, courage, respect, honour. Easy enough to do in a game surely? You can be completely honest for an hour or two can’t you? I mean it not as if anybody’s life depends on it…
If you break the rules (or lose at a simple game like rock-paper-scissors) the result is effectively that you get to sit out of the game.
So what?
Then why is it that I have never seen a game where most of the participants don’t … well … bend the rules? The answer I think is wrapped up in the concept of ostracism.
In the January edition of Scientific American Mind, Professor Kip Williams published an article titled ‘The Pain of Exclusion’ that really got me thinking. In it he presents evidence that shows that we literally feel the pain of ostracism:
Even brief episodes of ostracism involving strangers or people we dislike activate the brain’s pain centers, incite sadness and anger, increase stress, lower self-esteem and rob us of a sense of control.
When we experience ostracism we experience pain.
I shared this story with a participant in a recent game and they recalled an episode when friends from their dorm had pretended they did not exist. For an hour or so they were ignored, spoken of as if they were not present, walked over.
The response it triggered was almost primal.
And that makes sense from an evolutionary perspective. To experience exclusion is to lose the protection of the tribe, to lose access to shelter, and potentially to food and water. Our response to ostracism is hard-wired within us to keep us alive.
So much so, says Kip Williams, that even if we know that a computer is programmed to ostracize us (or people we dislike do the same) we will still feel the pain and we will take action to avoid further pain.
And that is where most ethics training fails.
Case studies or on-line training tools only provide us with the motivation to answer the questions “correctly”. There is no pain!
The cost of failure is low and as a result so is the motivation to learn. The chance that it will change behaviour is even lower.
People need the chance to try – and to fail. The chance to move from “what would I do?” to “what did I do?”. It is only when the cost of failure is high enough to cause us to consider the clear bright line of a rule or prohibition as something more like a fuzzy grey spectrum that we have the opportunity to act and then reflect.
That is the opportunity I think the Samurai Game ® provides to each participant and one of the ways it does so is through the simple mechanism of causing you to feel excluded from the game. Even the threat of exclusion is enough.
The other members of your group (even the ones you dislike) get to continuing playing but you do not.
It hurts when you ignore me and that is enough it seems to get most people to bend the rules. That provides the opportunity to reflect on why it was that what we did do did not quite match up with what we said we would.
Simple. Elegant in design. Powerful beyond measure.
If your ethics training isn’t delivering the change in behaviour you are looking for then maybe it is time to cause a little pain?
***
If you enjoyed reading this or my other posts you can subscribe and receive them via email simply by putting your email address into the Email Subscription box just on the right of my blog home page. You will receive a confirmation email (which some systems will think is spam so keep an eye on your junk mail) that you need to acknowledge to complete the subscription process.
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