finding my own Way

“How on earth did we end up doing it that way? It makes no sense.” she said. “Anytime I make suggestions about how we might change things, to improve them, I just get shut down. Why can’t they see there is a better way?”

My response to that question is to ask if I can tell a story about monkeys that don’t eat bananas. It is one of my favourite stories about resistance to organisational change.

In the story a group of monkeys are being kept in an enclosure by researchers. In the middle of the enclosure is a ladder and at the top of the ladder is a huge bunch of ripe bananas.  Not a single monkey gives the bananas even a sideways glance as they go about their day. At meal times they eat bland monkey pellets while the bananas go untouched.

A new monkey is introduced to the group (let’s call him Bob) and after he has been introduced around Bob starts to explore the enclosure. Bob (see photo) has been around for a while and has been in enclosures like this before. Seeing the bananas at the top of the ladder he makes his way over and starts to climb. Before Bob can get a foot on the second rung the entire group rushes towards him, drags him off the ladder, throwing him to the ground amidst much screeching and vocalizing.

Confused and sore, perhaps thinking the bananas are the property of a more senior monkey, Bob leaves them alone for a while but soon notices that nobody else seems to be able to even see that the bananas are there. So he tries again to climb the ladder with the result that the attack from the rest of the group is even more fierce than the first time. Alert to his desire to get to the bananas the rest of the group start issuing warnings if Bob should even start to glance towards the bananas at the top of the ladder.

In time Bob learns to go about his day without even giving a sideways glance to the bananas at the top of the ladder. No explanation is offered and it makes no sense to him but the message is clear – We don’t eat those bananas! A few months later when another new monkey is introduced, Bob finds himself being one of the first to drop his pellets, screech and drag her off the ladder.

It was a relatively easy process for the researchers to generate this sort of behaviour. In the beginning a group of monkeys, now long gone, were introduced into the enclosure. Things were good and they ate bananas to their hearts’ content.

Then something changed.

When any of the monkeys attempted to climb the ladder the researchers saturated the entire enclosure with ice-cold water. The monkeys tried everything they could think of but each time anyone touched the ladder the outcome was the same. They soon learned not to approach the ladder and life returned to a slightly blander form of normal.

Then one of the original monkeys was replaced. Like our guy Bob, she soon saw the bananas and approached the ladder resulting in a frigid drenching for the entire group. The next time she tried the group took action to prevent her from climbing towards the bananas because they understood what the consequences would be. It took a few reprimands from the group but she soon got the message.

Then another monkey was replaced. This time no water was needed. The group made sure he didn’t climb the ladder.

After a time another monkey was replaced, then another and another until years later none of the original group remained.  None of the monkeys in the enclosure had ever experienced the icy soaking but there was no way they were even going to look at that ladder for fear of how the rest of the group would respond. That is why your monkeys don’t eat bananas.

And that is where Bob entered our story.

And until recently that is where I would have ended it. The parallels with the experiences of many who find themselves in corporate enclosures are obvious and rarely need further explanation.

It is a tale told of how things came to be. How things are. It says nothing directly about what might come to be and it doesn’t offer any hope to Bob or those who might enter the enclosure after him.

It is time for that to change. It is time to give the story a new ending.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Leave a comment below and tell me your answer to the question “How do you teach your monkeys to eat bananas again?”

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“You  want to know what I really think of you?”

They are usually words that we hear spoken in threatening tones. We expect that they will be followed up with more words that will express negative opinions of us, our competency, our personality, our style, how we dress or how we smell.

They are not words we usually want to hear. They are not words that we usually want to people to say to us. Because we are afraid of the words that might follow.

Afraid of the opinions that others might share of what they don’t like about how we show up in their world.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about how I show up for people. A friend had mentioned me to someone in a professional context and their response was surprising and disappointing.

So, I started asking people.

“So, what do you think of me? What do you like about working with me? What am I good at? What would you tell other people that I do well?”

It was nice that people didn’t seem to struggle to come up with answers. What I learned though, was that what they were saying they would tell others I did well wasn’t the kinds of things I wanted to be known for doing well. It only took a couple of conversation like that before I came to the realisation that I was avoiding asking the most important questions…

“So, what am I bad at? What don’t you like about how I show up at work?”

So I asked.

“Well, sometimes you piss senior people off… But that’s not really the problem. The problem is that you piss ’em off and you don’t know that you are doing it.”

“You can tend to be a bit arrogant. You come across sometimes like you have all the answers.”

Ouch. And thank you for telling me what I needed to hear most. Now that I know I can choose to take action (or not) in response to those perceptions of me.

Since then I have had conversations with people who I know (and so have my own experience and opinion of how they show up in my world) and I have been listening for how they think they show up in the world. How they think people experience them and how people experience their leadership. Many haven’t given it much thought and few have asked others directly. All of us have a view on how others show up for us.

As an example, I was having coffee with recently with the person who started me down this road.  When I asked him how he thought people experienced his leadership he replied “That’s a very good question. I hadn’t really thought about it. I hope they would say …”  When speaking of a mutual friend however he was quick to offer “I am glad to see he has settled down a bit and become, well, more professional. He used to show up a bit like an excited teenager.”

Ouch. And I suspect that he hadn’t shared that opinion with the person who needed to hear it most. Without it, there is no opportunity for them to take action (or not) in response.

At least that is what I think.

Should we tell people what we really think of them? Are we able to share with them how they show up in our world?  Are they able to hear what we have to say? To listen for the almost certain value to be generated from our (possibly) negative assessment of them?

Are you able to ask the question and have people respond..

“You want to know what I really think of you?”

Or is it all too hard? Too dangerous? For us and for them?

Go on. Tell me. I want to know what you think. Really.

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If you enjoyed reading this or my other posts you can subscribe and receive them via email simply by putting your email address into the Email Subscription box just on the right of my blog home page. You will receive a confirmation email (which some systems will think is spam so keep an eye on your junk mail) that you need to acknowledge to complete the subscription process.

After you have subscribed, send this post on to your friends. Go on. You know at least one person who should read this post… seriously. Do it now. You read this far so send it on! I promise they won’t judge you or think less of you if you do.