“There is nothing to do but always action to be taken.”
– William Whitecloud, The Magician’s Way
I have heard and read a lot about the importance of values over the years. I have worked for corporations that make a great deal of fuss about their ‘corporate values’. I have attended more than one workshop and read more than one book that has emphasised the importance of identifying your own values. But, I am a slow learner and it hasn’t been until the last few weeks that I have come to understand why.
It was in Stephen Covey’s “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” that I first recall trying to get a handle on my values. I was much younger then and though I gave it a go I think I only really identified who was important to me. I have tried a couple of times since but it was only recently that I went through the process again that the penny finally dropped.
The process I followed challenged me to set myself some goals and then to look at them and draw out the values or beliefs that underpin each of the goals. Then you look at the list that results and ask what core values underpins them all (this was the first time I had gone down the additional level). Then you go back to the original list of goals and check to see that each one of them is consistent with the core values.
The impact of taking this one extra step has been profound. For me, it has removed the need to get motivated to do anything!
And that was when I realised that I had finally understood what people had been telling me for years. Now that my goals are aligned with my core values the journey towards achieving those goals has become almost effortless. Now, that is not to say that I am just sitting back with a cold drink waiting for the cheques to arrive in the mail.
One of my goals is to continue my practice of Aikido and develop my understanding of the Art to a black belt level and beyond. Until about nine months ago it had been a very long time since I had stepped into a dojo and then in November and December I struggled with back issues and a general lack of fitness. It was taking a lot of effort to get motivated to exercise.
Now that I have more clarity around my vision of where I want to take my life and why (my core values) I am finding that I rarely need to get motivated to do anything. During the last three weeks my program has included walking, swimming, Pilates, stretching, eating better and reducing my intake of coffee and alcohol. I haven’t needed to schedule the walking in my diary so that I will have time to get motivated to do it – I just find myself putting on my shoes. I find myself making different choices for lunch and swapping the second coffee for a chai latte without any sense that I am denying myself.
I was sharing my experience with a friend of mine who told me she had recently discovered much the same thing. She has always enjoyed bushwalking and thought that as she was unhappy with her body shape, bushwalking would be a good way to go. She increased the frequency of her walks but found that not only had her body shape not changed but she had begun to dislike walking in the bush. Reflecting on her situation she said that she realised that the connection that she feels with nature, the energy she feels (and receives) from the ecosystem she walks through is what she values most.
She said she abandoned her forced marches and began focussing on just enjoying the time she spent in the bush. “Do you know what happened?” she asked me. “I can’t wait to go walking… and my body shape has changed and I look great!”
For both of us a clearer understanding of our values removed the need to get motivated to do anything. I know that it is taking a lot less of my energy and it is making me a lot happier in the process.
I would love to hear your experiences around identifying and working with your values and goals – leave a comment. I have to warn you though, I am a very slow learner…
how to start a fire
On Sunday afternoon I was privileged to have seven amazing people come to a place that I had nominated and stand before me and ask for my approval. My first thought is that that doesn’t often happen in life but on reflection I suppose that it does. At some point in our lives we all have applied for a job and gone through an interview process. A process where we are basically asking for a stranger’s approval of who we are. It can be a very stressful thing to do and speaking from personal experience it can be very difficult not to take rejection very, very personally.
Some of us, as we progress through our lives, find ourselves in the position of being the person who gives that approval. We wade through mountains of applications looking for a reason to narrow down the field to a manageable number of candidates. We interview them and start trying to imagine if they will fit into the role. Do they have the sort of experience we are looking for? What previous roles have they had? How will they fit with the rest of the team?
That was the position I found myself in on a very hot Sunday afternoon in Brisbane. I was running auditions for a show I am Directing with the Sunnybank Theatre Group (www.stg.org.au) later this year. It just so happens that it is a show that calls for an all female cast between the ages or 50 and 70.
Now, when you do your workplace fire safety training they tell you that before you can have a fire you need the three elements shown below
Without any one of the three elements you cannot have a fire. We live in a world full of wood and breathe oxygen all the time but without the heat, the energy source, there is (gladly) no chance that that wood is going to burst into flame. To start a fire you need to add that energy. Conversely, you can have a lighter but if you cannot find any wood to provide the fuel you are going to be in for a long cold night.
I think there is an equivalent set of elements that are necessary for people to start a fire in their own lives and I have summarized it as follows:
I am reading a fair bit of material on NLP at the moment and one of the ‘presuppositions’ is that if one person can do something, anyone can learn to do it. To me the message is that we all have the ability to achieve great things – it is fundamentally part of our nature like the oxygen is part of the air that surrounds us. I like that view because it aligns with how I see the world but consistent with my model I don’t think it is enough.
The second element requires you to show up – to bring your wood to the fireplace. In the lead up to the auditions somebody asked me “Is it even worth me turning up?” to which I replied “I can guarantee that if you show up you will have a much better chance of being in the show than if you don’t!” Despite that, a couple of people didn’t show up for the auditions and they are not in the show.
What struck me the most about the experience and prompted me to write was just how critical the third element is. Without the belief in yourself it doesn’t matter how much you have developed your ability or that you have shown up – you are just not going to be able to light the fire.
One of the seven who auditioned for me on Sunday was doing so for the first time. An experienced presenter at workshops and a person who heals with her voice there was no question she had the ability to read the audition piece in an expressive and interesting way. She ticked the second box by showing up – she brought her wood to the BBQ. But when she walked into the audition space for the first time she had left the belief in herself behind. (Now, lest you think this only happens to first timers, on the same day I was blessed to have another wonderful woman audition for me – the same woman who almost 20 years ago ran my very first audition and gave me my very first part in a show. She is experienced and skilled and she generously came to along to audition for me. Just like the first timer, her belief in herself fled. It is a terrible moment and when it happens to me as it often does I wish the earth would open and swallow me whole.)
Now being an Australian male there is one thing that I know for certain. If you are having BBQ and you forget to bring matches there will always be someone there to lend you a lighter – just for a moment until you get the fire going. Maybe it will just take a single match but before long everybody is enjoying the warm glow of the flames.
And that is all it took.
A little bit of belief offered and borrowed. A moment to gather thoughts and wipe away the tears that were threatening, a wisp of smoke and before long we were all enjoying the warm smile of someone who (I hope) had just started a new fire in her heart. I saw the same thing happen the day before when giving two little people who I love dearly the confidence to try something new resulted in the launch of Brisbane’s newest cupcake tycoons. But that is a story for another day!
I believe we all have talents beyond our wildest imaginings. I know it often takes so much of my energy just to convince myself just to show up I often often lack the spark of belief that I need. I am grateful for the many people whose belief in me is what gets the fire started – some are near and others are halfway around the world.
I think it is time to pay it forward and start some fires. You have the ability just show up and be prepared to give it a go. You can borrow my matches because I believe in you.
One meeting, once chance … lost.
The 6th of January 2010 will be a day marked in my diary for years to come. It was a day where I lost the chance to tell someone just how much of an impact they had on my life and how grateful I was for the change that their life had created in mine.
If the truth be told, I probably lost the chance sometime back in August when I didn’t finish the letter that I had started writing. I thought that I was getting better at doing those things I always meant to but never started. I suppose I have taken a step forward… now I start but don’t get around to finishing.
You see, George Leonard passed away Tuesday, January 6, at his home in Mill Valley, California. He was 86.
A veteran of WWII and the Korean War, he was an editor and wrote extensively for Look Magazine and won many awards and admirers for his writings on the Civil Rights movement in the USA. He remains the most prolific writer ever for Esquire Magazine. His twelve major books include “Mastery: The Keys to Success and Long-Term Fulfillment
” and “Walking on the Edge of the World“.
George Leonard took up Aikido at age 47 and he went on to attain the rank of 5th degree black belt. (That in itself is my inspiration when I think that at 40 I might be too old to attempt my brown belt!) On an afternoon in 1977 as he walked from his home to his dojo, George Leonard created the Samurai Game – http://www.SamuraiGame.org. Since then the Game has directly affected the lives of hundreds of thousands of people around the world, and indirectly touched millions with lessons of effective leadership and team work.
I am one of those people.
I first experienced the Game in a dojo in Grass Valley, California in May last year. Lance Giroux led the Game and it was for me a profound and moving experience. Like the very best Aikido technique it was powerful and respectful of who I was and where I was in my life’s journey. It took my energy and led me gently to a place where I feel I have become much more aware of the preciousness of life and the futility of conflict. I remember saying to Lance just before we parted at the airport in Sacramento “I knew it would be good but I never thought it would be that good!”
Since then I have been blessed with the opportunity to share the perceptions of the participants of four such events and on occasion to sit and discuss with them (and in some cases their partners) how the experience of the Game that George Leonard developed has changed the way they live their lives. It has brought a richness and an authenticity to my life, and theirs, that is difficult to express in words.
As someone who has been entrusted with the responsibility of delivering the Game in the spirit that it was conceived, I find that it continues to provide me with insights into who I am and how I can be (to borrow a phrase) the change I want to see in the world.
I had the chance to thank George for all of that but I didn’t, and looking back I am not even sure why.
Lance told me that he believed that George would smile and say “That is the way the Game is played, so no regrets needed!” Ok, but I will learn from the experience and (to steal from Churchill again) get better at not just doing my best, but at doing what is necessary and doing it now.
Thanks George – your life has changed me for the better and for good. I will always feel you in the silent pulse.
preframing the new year…
As it often happens a number of events come together to prompt me to share my thoughts. This time it was a group of questions which started forming earlier in the week when I was fortunate to share a meal with a colleague during which we reflected on the past year and pondered the coming one. She found the courage to share with me her vision for her life – and it is one that when it comes to pass will make a difference in many more lives than the ones she has touched to date. The way forward seemed unclear and she then ran two questions into each other: “I mean, how do I make it pay the bills? How do I make it my life?”
I have just returned from a couple of days on the coast staying with my parents. They are at that stage when they are trying to answer the question “When do I retire?” which is closely followed by “What will I do after I retire?”
Being New Years Eve we let the girls stay up later than usual and we introduced them to the theatre that is Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull. The third last line in the movie comes from Ralph Waldo Emerson, and while it is not strictly a question it makes it into the group: “How much of human life is lost in waiting!”
Being New Years Eve 2010 it is also a full moon here and as I put the girls to bed they pointed through the gap in the curtains and called me to come and look at the biggest full moon they claim to have ever seen.
Which I did.
And I am glad that I did because as I watched, the last full moon of 2009 was slowly covered by cloud. Had I stopped to tidy up some of the toys left over from today’s play, or fussed (as I usually do) over the wet towel on the floor that will not be any good tomorrow unless it is hung up to dry, I would have missed being in that moment with my girls and the moon…
My take on the questions that have been posed to me over this last week is that how to make it pay and when do I retire are the questions you ask if you are in a waiting place where lives are lost. Forget about making it pay – just make it your life. Never retire from your life – so you don’t have to worry about what you will do after that day.
Emerson was right to lament how much of human life is lost in waiting. Be here now! Emerson continues with some good advice “Let him not make his fellow creatures wait“. Be open to the beauty of the full moon in the present moment because if you wait, or you make others wait, the richness of the life you (and they) have to offer will be lost. Those who have played the Game with me before will know it as Ichi-go Ichi-e: One meeting, one chance.
And that is what I offer you for the coming year. A wish that whatever your vision is, that you will make it your life. That you will never feel the need to retire because of the beauty you continue to experience in every moment. And that you take advantage of every meeting – because one of the things I learned in 2009 is that if you can be in the present with another human life wonderful things will follow. For that I am grateful, and in 2010 I trust that you will be too.
It is no use saying, “We are doing our best.” You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary.
A number of events have coincided recently that have caused me to reflect on the nature of change – or more specifically our resistance to it.
The first, the conference in Copenhagen. The second, the quote attributed to Winston Churchill that is the title of this post. (Geoff Kelly from Kelly Strategic Influence sent it to me as part of his Christmas wishes). Then there was my Wii Fit telling me it had been 405 days since I had last visited…
But the event that set me off on this path was a remark made by a political commentator about the recent leadership wrangles in the federal Liberal Party. The discussion centered around the apparent lack of unity – many were saying things and doing things without any consideration of the effect it might have on the larger group. The observation was then made that they behave that way because they do not hate their current circumstances (being in opposition) enough to change. When they do, they will reign in the behaviours that are negatively impacting on the larger group and do what is necessary to succeed.
I think that is about the best assessment of the current state of the world that I have ever heard and it applies just as easily to each of us as individuals as it does to groups, nations or the human race.
Our Wii Fit is a pretty good tool for helping me to get the 30 minutes of exercise a day that I know is important for my long-term health. For most of the 405 days since my last visit I was not unhappy enough with my health to invest the time each day. A recent aggravated disc has reframed my perspective. A good friend’s resistance to flossing may well be reconsidered after the 3.5 hours he spent at the dentist yesterday.
The result at Copenhagen was one I think we all saw coming. The representatives who worked actively against any binding outcome did so because they are very happy with their personal and national circumstances. As a group they don’t hate the consequences of climate change enough to work collectively to succeed. I know that our Prime Minister feels that he and his team in Copenhagen had done their best – he told me so on Twitter. On this night before Christmas I would offer Kevin and all the other leaders in the world a gift of Churchill’s words (please don’t judge me for re-gifting!).
“It is no use saying, “We are doing our best.” You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary.”
And as you are also a leader I offer the same gift to you. Don’t do your best to floss often, don’t do your best to exercise regularly, don’t do your best in trying to reach a global agreement. You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary.
If the desire for a planet with clean air and clean water and clean food for all is not enough to motivate you … just sit back, listen for the sound of the suction and feel the drill as it cuts away at your teeth. Oh and try to relax – three and half hours is a long time to be in the chair.
Where the wild things are
Ira, Max and Carole in Where the Wild Things Are
Last night we went to see Where the Wild Things Are with my eight year old daughter and her friend. It was something I had been looking forward to ever since we visited the Maurice Sendak exhibition at the Contemporary Jewish Museum in San Francisco a few months back.
The book has remained a favourite of mine from my childhood and had gathered additional layers when I added a Wild Things themed t-shirt to my list of memorabilia from my semester at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst. The exhibition in San Francisco include original watercolors, preliminary sketches, drawings, and dummy books from more than 40 of Sendak’s books and it changed the way that I understood Max and the Wild Things.
In his blog in the Guardian yesterday (http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/filmblog/2009/dec/14/where-the-wild-things-are) David Cox notes that “Where the Wild Things Are turns out to be a thorough and perceptive critique of a world in which grownups are encouraged to behave like spoilt children, valuing emotion above thought and believing they enjoy the right to have their whims indulged however impracticable this may be.”
To me the film had elements that were cruel, naive, full of fear, ignorance and jealousy. In short, it was brilliant.
Children (and by extension all of us as we were all children at some point) are cruel and naive. Often jealous, ignorant simply because they have not had the chance to know, they are often fearful because of their lack of knowledge. In the film Max’s teacher tells his class that one day the sun will die and consume the earth. It is Carole who gives voice to Max’s fears when he says during a sleepless night in which he threatens to destroy all that they have worked to build “and now I have to worry about the sun dying. It went away and it hasn’t come back.”
My youngest hated the rain. We thought it was because the recent drought had made it a rare event in her life. She asked questions about floods. We live on a hill so we reassured her that water runs down hill so even if there was a flood we would be safe. To no avail. Then in a quiet moment as we watched the lightning one evening she asked that as Australia was at the bottom of the globe, wouldn’t all the water go to the bottom and cover the whole of Australia?
I agree with David Cox when he adds “Self-indulgence, self-destructiveness, self-delusion, jealousy and vanity loom far more starkly when attributed to zany monsters than they would if acted out by flesh-and-blood humans.” Max and the Wild Things are all of those things. We are all of those things. Our challenge is to take a journey similar to Max’s so that we can come to recognise and befriend all of those elements in ourselves.
I don’t believe the we can ever rid ourselves of those elements. As Max is leaving the island the Wild Thing that has not previously spoken asks if upon his return home Max will speak well of them. I think that the best we can hope for is to get ourselves to a point where we can speak well of the Wild Things that dwelled in each of us as children and continue to do so today … and to recognise that ultimately we are all at heart a child pretending to be a wolf, pretending to be a King.
thoughts on leadership
I came across an article in this weekend’s Australian that I think is worth sharing. Peter Cosgrove, now retired, reflects on the sort of leadership on offer in Australia today. I found it to be particularly thought provoking after last weekend’s Samurai Game as Peter makes comparisons between his experience as a military leader and the experience of leading in a business environment.
A couple of observations struck particular chords with me:
“We all of us have a reputation, something we are known for, sometimes different from what we would like to be known for. At the core of this is the simple but fragile heart, our integrity. Always under challenge, under tests both trivial and profound every day of our lives.”
and;
“During the past couple of decades the business community has seen an exponential increase in compliance-based regulations. These regulations have grown from a raft of incidents where corporations and their leaders behaved poorly, leading to great losses among shareholders… In some ways this framework of regulation can lead to a culture of “integrity by compliance”, whereby corporate leaders (boards and chief executives) can increasingly feel that if they abide by the letter of the law (or regulation) then they have behaved with integrity. The subtle shortcoming is that no system can ever describe the limits of obligation that must be self-imposed on the behaviour of men and women of integrity. And, of course, a business culture that assumes that within the regulatory envelope, anything else goes is obviously flawed.”
Perhaps that is a challenge that the Game highlights for some. In the Game, as in business, you are competing with others. How do I play by the rules, which includes abiding by Bushido and thus maintaining my integrity, while still being creative and making something happen?
The full text of the article is available at:
The full lecture will be broadcast on ABC Radio National this Sunday (22/11/09) at 5pm. The lectures will be available as audio on demand and to podcast at abc.net.au/rn/boyerlectures .
In an interesting reframe, Ruth Ostrow also in the Australian, asks “What if a magical soothsayer appeared and told you that you were never going to get the thing you craved?” She offers a view that giving up hope might just make us happier! If we are waiting for something to make things “better” (a soul mate, enough money) then we might put our life on hold and then spend our time worrying that things might never go to plan. Giving up hope might allow us to grieve and then get on and play with the cards we are holding – in essence to get on with life. I suppose what she is saying is that if the Fate of War should take your arm or your sight you have two choices – you can get on with the game or you can wait for the time when it is returned to you. For me, there is nothing worse than finding out that the game has finished while you were waiting for things to get better.
finding my own Way 
